you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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