And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
