I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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