I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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