just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
