there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
