I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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