you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize