Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize