Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
