if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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