Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize