i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
