Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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