Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize