Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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