Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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