Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
