No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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