she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I AM VODKA MAN
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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