lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
