Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
