:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
