i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
