I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The struggles of a small town man whore
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
