if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
