My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
