You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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