I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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