I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
