Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
