Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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