Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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