he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
