9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
