I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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