Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize