im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
