my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Small penises have feelings too.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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