the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
