First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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