i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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