I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
