That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
