You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
worst night to have a conscience
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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