we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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