i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
