i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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