We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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