Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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