look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
