Ambien. No doubt about it.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
