so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
