This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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