just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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