I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
