I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
