Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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