So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
