Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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