meet me or not, i'm out of control
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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