don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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