she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize