She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
