Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
