...so i touched it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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