Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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