I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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