you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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