Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
