guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
