So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
