2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
