I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
